maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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