thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
