I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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