After last night, I could never be a politician.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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