Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
