Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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