I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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