do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
