I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
