so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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