I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
