I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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