i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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