kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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