Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
