i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
