i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
