I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
