Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
