i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
