He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
