he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
