when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
