Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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