I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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