In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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