How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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