Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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