I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
