You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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