We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
