I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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