Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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