i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
