Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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