I heard we made out
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize