Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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