Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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