I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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