if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
be right there i have to get my cape
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
