Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Drunk is a universal language darling
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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