My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize