your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
