Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do herpes really smell.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
