Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
