YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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