What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just wanna soil my oats bro
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
