When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
