haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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