nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
