he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You made out with two different species that night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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