I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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