Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
