Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
