yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
