I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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