thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
