So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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