Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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