Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
