Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
