I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
