i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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