dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
