im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
