it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
